Can I have it all?

I am exhausted. And I mean really exhausted.

Tomorrow is my last day taking the pill. AF should arrive Sunday or Monday and then I'll be having my first suprecur injection! I'm quite wound up about it. I'm a big girl, not a big girl's blouse, so I'm sure I'll be fine once I'm doing it, but I'm scared. Especially since other bleeps and tweeps have mentioned it burned. Burned? What's that all about?

I rang the nurses today because I'm nervous. Nurse geordie rang me back and kept calling me chick. "Do I have to make sure I don't drink or anything like that?" "No, chick, you just carry on as normal". It was strangely comforting. I bet there are a million other situations I would resent being called chick, but this wasn't one of them. She made it sound like it was the most usual thing in the world to jab yourself with menopause for a fortnight.

OH and I are still no nearer to knowing what we think about whether we put in one embryo or two. We aren't even sure if they'll let us push to putting in two. I've done a lot of digging into people's personal lives recently if they have twins (big thanks to those of you who set me up with advice from your friends - much appreciated) and the general consensus is:
yes, it's REALLY hard but no, I wouldn't change it for one at a time. There were several stories of pregnancies where mostly it was normal, and a few pregnancy stories where mum was really ill, but was fine in the end. We haven't had a chance to speak to Mrs Blunt-and-to-the-Point (our consultant) about it yet, so maybe we'll feel more decided once she's told us what she thinks.

So add to all that, we've sold our house, we've bought another one (in my home town), we're sorting out our mortgage, I'm finishing my school reports, I need to move classes, move house.....
If the timing for all this goes smoothly, we'll be moving house at the same time I'll be hoping to hear my Big Fat Positive. So if I get a BFN instead, you'll find me sobbing into packing boxes in my brand new 4 bedroom house, wondering why the hell I bothered. Or I could be happy and feel like I really have it all...
And poor hubby has consented to him moving the house, and me going out for the day with a friend and leaving him to it. The poor thing is going to be shouldering much of this move on his own, as we are determined that I'm not to be left with a BFN wondering if things would have been different if I'd just taken it easier. Hopefully we'll find a reasonably priced moving company, and OH can just gaffer for the day.

Is it bad that I'm gearing myself up for failure? I am. I was listening to Maximo Park this morning and I thought about if this IVF doesn't work.
What happens when you lose everything? You just start again....



Please don't make me have to start again.